Crushed Ice and the Seven Giants
by Smile At A Minion
Summary: Snow White spoof


**I have alaffurt tree in there which is actually truffala tree except backwards, so im not .**

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><p>Crushed Ice and the Seven Giants the Wicked Witches Story<p>

I'm the Wicked Witch and here's my version of the story Snow White and The Seven Dwarves.

One summer day, the Queen was sewing by an ebony-framed window and she glanced up to watch the crows fight and then, one swooped down and hit her ear with its beak. A few drops of blood came out and mixed with the crushed ice that she kept on the window sill. The Queen loved the colors together, so she wished for a daughter with ebony black hair, crushed ice colored skin and blood red lips.

At the same time but in the next year, she gave birth to that exact child. She was named Crushed Ice.

No, I'm just kidding, her name was Snow White. Although I think her name should be Crushed Ice, because she is as cold as ice and she has _white _skin! Who has _white_ skin? Okay well, anyways, back to the story.

The Queen "unfortunately" died the same day and the king comes to me a few years later, to be his wife and Queen.

I am the prettiest "Wicked Which" ever seen. Most people think I'm wicked because of all the people I've tried to get to kill Chrushe- I mean, Snow White, he he he.

I have an enchanted mirror and stand in front of it and gaze at myself because I'm so very beautiful. I stand before it now and chant:

"Mirror, mirror, on the door who is the one who deserves the chores?"

" You shall be the one to deserve the chores," The mirror answered

"What! How could you do this to me?" and I threw the heaviest object I could find, a very big bathtub. The mirror broke into a million and one shards of glass and I took the biggest one (2in by 5in).

I called all of the greatest huntsman to gather for a gathering in the chamber.

"Who is worthy to kill my greatest enemy?" I shouted to them.

"I AM!" The huntsmen all called at once, "WHO SHALL WE KILL?"

"Snow White!"

"Oh, you can have that one Rick. You don't like princesses much." One of the guards answered.

"What? Why me? I like Snow White! It was the other princess I didn't like." Everyone left but Rick.

"Rick, gather all your equipment and leave on your journey to capture Snow White. When you have done that take her into the forest to kill her, but remember to bring back her heart." So with that said he left on his journey. He went through the forest for ten years until he came across a GIANT cottage! So he rang the doorbell, "Ding Dong," A pretty maiden came to the door.

"I'm a little busy now please come back later" The sweet girl said

"Are you Snow White?" The huntsman asked. The girl nodded

"Please don't kill me I know you were sent on a quest by my evil step mother." Snow White added.

"Alright since your beauty is so strong, I shall not kill you, but a deer perhaps. The huntsman gave in.

The hunts man then killed a deer and took its heart back to me. I soon figured out this was definitely not Snow White's heart because her heart is as white as crushed ice. So I sent him to the dungeon with one less finger. I had enough of this! I had sent almost 30 of my most trustworthy huntsman and they all brought back bad news that they didn't know where she was. So I sent off on a quest to find my horrible step daughter. I hiked threw what seemed like millions of miles of forest! I stumbled upon a few wild deer to ask for directions.

"Hey you there, you deer! I need directions."

"Di-di-directions f-f-or wh-what?" they answered in a normal tone.

"Have you seen Snow White? Or scented her?"

"S-S-Snow W-W-White? We h-have n-never heard of s-s-such a g-g-girl. D-Do you mean the w-white s-snow? I-It is not the s-season for t-t-that." The deer spoke back, their eyes wide with fright.

"Really?" I asked them with a hint of a threat in my voice.

"Sh-sh-she w-would be in the g-giant c-c-cottage."  
>I walked long and far searching for that giant cottage the deer speak of. I searched for ten whole years and finally came across a humongous cottage, bigger than the beanstalk giants' house! I walked to the door and I was about to knock when I heard a thunderous laugh and footsteps, I ran to the nearby bushes and I hid. A second after that, a enormous giant's foot stepped right on the spot I was standing earlier. I'm glad I moved; that would have ruined my beauty!<p>

_I must think of something that will kill Crushed Ice, it must fool the giants too. _I thought to myself. Nobody can know that it was I that killed Crushed ice. It would be very bad for my reputation and I would not be able to regain it. Everybody _loves_ Snow White, ha! They don't know the real her.

I thought and thought and thought for what seemed like a year, but when I finally had an idea, the sky was darkening. I ran to the nearest tree, it was a alaffurt tree, a very old one at that. I was very careful as I stripped the plant of its leaves; that kind of tree is _very_ poisonous.

At the break of dawn, I put the alaffurt veggies in a woven basket that I had made after I posionized the veggies. I put on my best poor-peasant look, although I may not have gotten it right; I don't like surrounding myself with the poor, and walk up to the door.

"Ding dong,"

I saw a girl that looked suspiciously like Crushed Ic-er sorry, Snow White. She looked at me wearily.

"What is your business here?" she asked through the peephole.

"I was selling these delicious alaffurt veggies, would you like one, fair maiden?"

"Did you say _alaffurt_ veggies?"

"Yes,"

"Those are poisonous, why are you selling them?"

"The leaves are poisonous. Not the veggies,"

"Oh, in that case, I will take eight," the "smart one" gave in.

I gave Crush-darn, I did it again-I mean Snow White her order of eight then left into the cover of trees. I watched as Crushed put the veggie in her mouth then fall as the poison reached her tongue. Ha,ha, idiotic girl. Only fools would believe that alaffurt veggies were un-posionous!

I heard the giant's come and I slid even further into my hiding bush. They still scare the beauty out of me! When the giants saw Snow White,er,Crushed Ice, I mean _Snow White_, they screamed, " WHO DID THIS? Oh, if this was the work of the wicked whitch..."

The giants took snow White fragily in their arms and walked her inside. They could not decide what to do to bury her so they put her in a -rather ugly if i must say so myself-glass caskit. The giants were so sad-looking that it alost made me, the so called Wicked Whitch,cry!

As the tallest giant was putting Crushed Ice on the hill overlooking a huge ocean, we heard a horse. I knew exactly who it was. Prince Ugly. Sorry, Prince Charming (I gotta get these names right). He ran up and was taken aback by Snow White's beauty, so he said, "Let me kiss her, I just HAVE to. She is soooo very beautiful,"

"Take her. We cannot stand the sight of a dead beauty," the oldest looking giant said.

"Thank you," Prince snaps his fingers and his guards walked up and took the caskit lid off. Prince Ug-Charming leaned down and kissed her. To my unsurprise, she woke up. It was a coincident. Alaffurt veggies dont _exactly_ kill you. They just knock you out for a while. maybe a day or 16 hours.

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><p><strong>Please review!<strong>


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